Funny one liners status

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Funny one liners status

One Line Status : One line status and one-liner quotes will help you to share your thoughts instantly. These short, funny and clever one-line status and quotes will help you post a short status on Whatsapp, Facebook, and Instagram within a few seconds. Here we have one line status for girls and boys both. Now, browse the post to get yours! Explore More : Best Attitude Status.

Being male is a matter of birth, Being man is a matter of age, but being gentelman is a matter of choice. Go ahead, Underestimate me. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers. To love is nothing.

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To be loved is something. But to be loved by the person you love. That means I appreciate what I have. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

Explore More : About Me Status. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally, I had to take his bike away. Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. I never make the same mistake twice, I make it like five or six times, Just to be sure.Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

funny one liners status

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens. The second mouse gets the cheese! When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Always borrow money from a pessimist.

He won't expect it back. Two wrongs don't make a right. I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on. A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.

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On my desk, I have a work station…. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.We've all experienced that awkward moment of silence. It happens even in a gathering of old friends. There's a lull in the conversation, and nobody knows quite what to say. You want to save everybody from the awkwardness, but your mind is a blank. You don't want to blurt out something silly, because that just makes the moment all the more awful and cringe-worthy.

But if you had a game-plan—a foolproof jokea one-liner, say, that could suck all the tension out of the room—why, you'd be a hero!

You'd be the Chevy Chase circa late-'70s of your social circle, the one who could be counted on to say the perfect thing at the perfect time to make everybody feel a little less uncomfortable and silly. If only you had planned ahead and had a few one-liners in your back pocket, ready for whenever you needed them….

Relax, we've got your back. Here are 60 funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect for any occasion. Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place.

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Smarter Living. Become the sitcom hero you've always wanted to be. By Bob Larkin July 8, Read This Next. To hear these total groaners! Latest News. Now, we don't know when we'll next see each other. Here's how social distancing brought us closer. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

Her parents eventually pulled her out of school.

21 Short One Line Quotes About Myself

A chew toy battle has never been more exciting. Facebook Twitter Instagram LinkedIn.Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air-freshener. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Creationists have certainty without any proof. Well, look at you living and shit.

funny one liners status

Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station. Statistics show that people who have the most, live the longest. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

My son fell out of a tree in the backyard! Should I call or post it on Facebook first? In fact, the genius himself had a quirky sense of humor. Funny Sayings and Quotes 2. Support your right to bare arms! Just never his own. I jump off next Tuesday. Bush Share This Quote: Which way did you come in?

My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. All I need now is money. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. Every time I see food, I eat it. Cry and the world laughs harder. I enjoy every minute of it. Could you please try be more closed-mouthed. Even More Funny One Liners Guess Which Days. They know how to take orders. Neither one works. C Fields Share This Quote: But then again, so are thunder and lightning. What a list!Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. How do you get a sweet year-old lady to say the F word? As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. A day without sunshine is like, night. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened. What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. Because those men already have boyfriends.

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He wanted to win the No-bell prize! Because he found his honey. A stick. Stay fit. Die anyway.

50+ Painfully Funny One Liners

He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large. What did the psychiatrist say to the naked man?

Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Did you know there are two kinds of nails? Just be careful which one you hammer next time.

What you get when you cross a donkey with an onion.There are literally thousands of popular one liners in English and also in other languages. This List of quotes and sayings commonly used in everyday conversational English, can help to speak English like a native speaker by learning English idiomatic expressions and proverbs.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass Guess what it means. Start - Smart Words. One Liners. Famous One-Liners There are literally thousands of popular one liners in English and also in other languages. Funny One Liners When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. The last thing I want to do is insult you.

But it IS on the list. I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in. Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes? One Liners about life Sounds like its time to get that Enterprise built! Time does'nt exist.

One Liners

Clocks exists. Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer. Take my advice — I'm not using it. I got lost in thoughts. It was unfamiliar territory. Sure, I'd love to help you out I would like to slip into something more comfortable - like a coma.

I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.

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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? There is no dance without the dancers. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back. If you are here - who is running hell? If nothing was learned, nothing was taught.Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. I changed my password to "incorrect".

funny one liners status

So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect". All one liners Choose by topic For special events New one liners.

Attitude one liners.

funny one liners status

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain. One liner tags: attitudecommunicationlifepoliticalsarcastic One liner tags: attitudecommunicationlife One liner tags: attitudefatlifemenwomen I was addicted to the hokey pokey One liner tags: attitudepuns Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things. One liner tags: attitudelifemotivational If you're going through Hell, keep going. One liner tags: attitudeITlife She wanted a puppy.

But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy. One liner tags: animalattitudewomen Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back. One liner tags: attitudelovemotivational Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking. One liner tags: attitudemenwomen


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